Numbnuts

I've lived here in KK for most of my mortal life but I have never realised just how into our national sport we are here.

Never mind the World Cup. Forget the Thomas Cup. Don't even mention about Malaysia's chances of getting into the bloody World Cup either.

If we as one nation and a unified Bangsa Malaysia is to bring international recognition upon our athletic prowess and excellence, we only have to do what we do best, right?

If we can't kick a football, it's ok. If our shuttlers cock up any further, it's no biggie right?

So what DO we do best, you ask?

Why...

It's Elevator Sprinting.

Yep, all 2.5 metres of it.

Except, it wouldn't look that much like sprinting. Not in the traditional Michael-Johnson, Ben-Johnson way.

It'll be a lot more exciting.

Hell yeah, you'll have a lot of jostling and pushing and yes, yes, it is a contact sport because the players would be pushing each other out of the way too. Oh, they'd better if they wanna get ahead.

It's not an easy game to play.

Because in this event, there IS no team.

It's the ultimate manifestation of modern society's strive for individualism and self-gain.

Me? I'm just sitting on the sidelines.

Though I play the occasional basketball and squash, I've never been a very athletic guy.

So we'll find ourselves standing to the side when at every game time (i.e. every morning at rush hour and at lunch time), you see these combatants dueling it out at the lifts and elevators.

We were never meant to rise to their level of physical prowess. Unlike them, we won't have what it takes.

I mean, just look at them.

Elbowing and scrumming it out. Battling it out for a 2.5 metre square area. Sweat literally streaming down their game faces.

They compete in the smallest playing field in the world but the most hotly contested one too.

Some of the 'athletes' will be striving to get OUT of the lift while others will be trying to get in.

No quarter is given when it comes to seeing who's first in and who can get out in time before the lift door closes and have to miss their floor.

WWE? Pussies.

TNA Wrestling? Wannabes.

Ultimate fighting? A stroll with grandma.

Elevator sprinting personifies the ultimate ideal of human fitness: speed, stamina, grit, persistence, upper and lower body strength, mental agility and resistence to physical and emotional pain, all in the pursuit for greatness.

Maybe I'll go start training by using the stairs instead.